Following recent offers and talks, Sun and IBM might merge, and/or might do something useful. Both companies should decide whether they do hardware and software. If they merge, the über-corp should be run as follows:

• ‘Soldering’ Department: Sun's hardware featuring RISC-based chips should be fused onto the same motherboard as IBM's best stuff, creating a new dual-processor archicture that other companies will have trouble beating.


• ‘Staff Who Were At IBM’ Department: Market Java, using the same strategies used for the Cell chip (e.g. industry take-up first), not the OS/2 strategy.


• ‘Staff Who Were At Sun’ Department: NEVER market Java, finish the promised code, and stop trying to make Unix/Linux versions.


• Without Unix/Linux versions being made, this will make the name ‘Solaris’ available, so the new company can be called Solaris Microsystems, which is a far better name than either company has come up with before. IBM staff should realise that all three words of their company's name sound prehistoric.


• All staff must attend ‘Clear Documentation’ workshops, and should forget “words” like synergy and functionality, particularly in their technical manuals.


• All sales staff must learn that a large black box only sells if it has a monitor doing cool stuff attached. They must learn what software is and what it does.


• Once the merger/takeover/mess is over, I expect to see ‘Java 3 Proper Edition’ on my desktop.